Regina’s Writings: Kindergarten Didn’t Teach Me Everything I Need to Know

Robert L. Fulghum wrote a popular book entitled All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Fulghum’s lessons included Play fair. Clean up your own mess. Don’t take things that aren’t yours.

I hate to be un-American, but kindergarten was not my best teacher. I learned most lessons through Scripture, family, confession, and mistakes.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned:

• Speak quietly on your cell phone, especially in public places.
• “Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or remove it. He came to fill it with His presence.” Paul Claudel
• Each week at Mass, introduce yourself to someone you don’t know.
• God loves the sound of your voice.
• Treat everyone with kindness, even people you don’t like. Especially people you don’t like.
• Don’t use more than one parking space. This falls under the category of “Don’t take things that aren’t yours,” and comes from a neurotic middle child who thinks everything should be fair.
• Look up from your phone when a live human enters the room.
• No man looks good in a Speedo unless he’s Michael Phelps.
• Attend wakes and funerals. Such kindness is never forgotten.
• When you turn on the windshield wipers, turn on your headlights.
• When a child accompanies you to an appointment, don’t bring a tablet to occupy him. Bring a book, crayons, a puzzle, or homework so he learns to entertain himself.
• Don’t yell at salesclerks or waiters.
• If you want teens to fall in love with Jesus, send them to a Steubenville Youth Conference.
• Go to confession once a month. More if you’re married. The priest won’t yell at you; he’ll be happy you’re there.
• If you’re first on the scene of an accident, stop to help unless doing so would make matters worse.
• The most important person in the doctor’s office is the nurse.
• Don’t sit on the aisle when you slip into a pew at church. Move to the center so that newcomers don’t have to climb over you. We want to be welcoming.
• RSVP to invitations. Don’t make the host have to track you down.
• A group of people were asked, “If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, living or dead, whom would you choose?” Adults selected pioneers, sports figures, and movie stars. Most children said they’d choose to eat with their parents. Family dinners count.
• Every Christan needs a half-hour of prayer each day, except when he is busy; then he needs an hour.”  St. Francis de Sales
• Handwrite thank-you notes. Texts, phone calls, and emails don’t count.
• Parents, grandparents, favorite aunts, bring children to church every week, even if they miss sports commitments. Your actions demonstrate what’s important.
• Do not serve your new husband Spam quiche. No, really. I mean it.
• Always respect our veterans, whose service bought our freedom. And don’t forget female veterans. My grandmother served near the front lines in France during WWI.
• Don’t sleep together before marriage. Make up for lost time afterward.
• Donuts make everything a little bit better.

M. Regina Cram is a published author and parishioner of SS. Isidore and Maria Parish.