October 6, 2025 
by M. Regina Cram
You wipe your sweaty palms against rented trousers, trying to conceal your panic. Your voice cracks as you promise, “I, Buster, take you, Murgatroyd, to be my lawfully wedded wife…” (Inner voice: “It’s all downhill now.”), “…for better and for worse…”(Inner voice: “She’ll probably get fat like her mother did.”), “…in sickness and in health…” (Inner voice: “She gets whiny when she’s sick.”), “…until we are parted by death.” (Inner voice: “I wonder if I’ll remarry.”).
I hope this isn’t what we’re thinking during wedding vows. But down deep, don’t we expect that after a few years, we’ll fall into marital mediocrity? It’s not as if we see many older couples madly in love.
Ah, but there are many such couples. They’ve discovered that love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a commitment, and it’s not always easy to maintain. This may be why new marriages have a less than 50% chance of survival. Most Americans believe living together before marriage improves these odds, but hundreds of studies show that living together is the worst option. Those who do so have a 50 to 80% higher likelihood of divorce than those who don’t cohabit. The divorce rate for couples who sleep together but don’t live together is slightly lower, but not much. By far, the best chance rests with those who wait for everything until marriage. Yes, people still do that. Nevertheless, even decent marriages can settle into boredom. What bugs me is that we accept this as normal.
Do I truly believe marriages can be passionate and intimate for a lifetime? Yes, that’s precisely what I believe. It takes work, a lot of forgiveness, and frequent confession, but if people can stay passionate about golf or Notre Dame football, why can’t they remain passionate about marriage?
Try reminiscing about your courtship. Read old letters. Look at photographs. These are sweet reminders of why you fell in love in the first place.
My husband and I have a weekly date, every Saturday night. It helps us stay connected as lovers, not just roommates. The children hated it when they were younger, but now they think it’s cool that their parents are in love (except when we kiss in the kitchen).
I’m not naive. Some marriages are filled with terrible hardship. Past mistakes, alcohol abuse, physical handicaps, and elder care take a fierce toll on marriages. Still, in the midst of hardship, might it be possible to inject bits of romance?
Some time ago, during a difficult period in our lives, I insisted that my husband and I get away together alone. When we did so, not only did I catch a glimpse of the man I had fallen in love with, but I also caught a glimpse of the woman he had fallen in love with.
So we kiss in the kitchen, and tuck frisky love notes into the other’s briefcase. Then we return to our grown-up lives, content with the assurance that we face the world together.
Mediocre marriage? Not a chance.
If you are in a troubled marriage, help can be found through Retrouvaille, a Catholic-based ministry designed to help couples heal, rebuild trust, and restore love.
M. Regina Cram is a published author and a parishioner of SS. Isidore and Maria Parish.
