August 5, 2024 
By M. Regina Cram
Imagine that a friend is dealing with a difficult situation. Perhaps he’s recovering from surgery or caring for an elderly parent; maybe a family member is hospitalized. There are doctors’ appointments, physical therapy sessions, and mountains of paperwork. All the while, your friend struggles to hold down a job and maintain sanity.
Not knowing what else to do, you tell your friend, “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.” You mean it.
The problem is that when your friend needs your help most, he’s least likely to ask for it. Even if he’s desperate, there’s a good chance he’s too overwhelmed to think clearly or reach out to you.
This was my experience following a life-threatening illness. Family and friends became my lifeline, especially those who stepped in without being asked. One neighbor called every Sunday evening to remind me to compile a grocery list for her shopping excursion. Another called each time she headed into town to add my errands to her list. Friends and business colleagues delivered meals. Some cooked gourmet delights while others arrived with deli take-out. We didn’t care what they brought; what mattered was that they were feeding our family and expressing their love.
My favorite kindness came from a 12-year-old girl who lugged her own television set across the street when she learned I was confined to bed. That’s a kindness not easily forgotten.
I thank God for these wonderful people who had the sense to step in without waiting for an invitation. Plenty of friends offered, “If there’s anything I can do, let me know,” but I never called. I was just too sick.
Two years later, my younger sister’s terminal illness left me shuttling to Boston while also caring for our four small children. The day after my sister died, I bumped into a woman I barely knew. When she learned of our loss, she wanted to help, especially since my older sister and family were arriving from Houston that afternoon, and I had to feed and house 13 people overnight.
Two hours later, there was a knock on the door. This same woman held two huge casseroles, an enormous salad, bread, a jug of wine, and a pan of warm brownies. In my grief, I’d made no arrangements for dinner, but God had, and He accomplished His plan through someone who noticed a need and quietly stepped in. She didn’t wait to be asked.
So when you want to help, deliver a meal, preferably one that can be frozen. Walk the dog, feed the gerbil, drive to chemotherapy sessions. Give blood, invite the children for an afternoon. Drive your friend’s share of the carpool. Fold their laundry. Water the garden. Attend the wake and funeral, even if you didn’t know the deceased. Above all, pray.
But please don’t say, “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.” Instead, think of something useful. Then do it.
M. Regina Cram is a published author and parishioner of SS. Isidore and Maria Parish.
